“To all the girls that’s hurtin, let me be your mirror. Help you see a little bit clearer.The light that shines within!There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark.You should know your beautiful just the way you are. You don’t have to change a thing.The world can change its heart. No scars to your beautiful. We’re stars and we’re beautiful!”
Close your eyes for a moment and just ponder. Let your mind wander a little. Take yourself to a beautiful place where the ocean has crystal blue waters and the waves are slowly crashing in on the white sand. Can you hear it? You’re standing there with a cool breeze in perfect 78degree weather. Do you feel it? Now imagine you are the best version of yourself, standing right there, what do you see? Who do you see? Is it you? Is it someone else?
Far more times than most we want to be someone else because we look directly at our flaws and point out what could be better or tweaked, pushed back here, tucked and nipped there and so much more. I admit I had been one of those people. I would stare in the mirror on a daily basis and say I don’t like this and that, where did that even come from? Things of that nature used to cross my mind on a daily basis. Which leads me to some questions that we must ask ourselves. Will the self-hate or self-sabotage ever stop? Why has society crafted such an image of what the “perfect person” should look like instead of teaching us to embrace the beautiful people that we already are?
I want to change those things, the standards of how society sees us by changing our mindsets to know how to love who we are right now at this very moment and recognize our worth. In order to do that we must go back in order to move forward. Let’s start by digging up some past dirt, hurts, unjust that happened in our lives and really take a look in the mirror to figure out where this all comes from so we can, leave it in the past and move forward. This actually makes me think of last months post where I previously mentioned breaking old habits. “Avoid downward spirals, bad habits and things you used to do in the past. The past is the past, leave it there (Being & Staying Committed & Consistent).” Although the past is the past in order to break cycles and patterns, we must reflect and identify. Recognizing the cycles, patterns, etc. is the first step to a successful breakthrough.
Can we talk about sex? Sex sells right? Sex is what most people are buying into when they see these beautiful bodies displayed through society, but let’s dig deeper. I want to talk about having sex. I mean how often do we truly and honestly engage in conversation about sexuality? I mean really let’s talk about it. Sex or no sex? Purity, abstinence, celibacy or having sex with who you want and when? How do we feel about these things? Let’s talk about those things that most of us, especially for us Christian’s that want to portray we are “holier than thou,” do you ever slip up and how does that make you feel? There was a road on my journey called celibacy and it took time, healing, deliverance and true commitment to Christ for me to get here. I’m still not married yet and I’m still on it so I’ll share my process thus far since it’s still fresh.
I previously had not had sex in over a year and a half. My life was in shambles, I was vulnerable and I felt like I needed some comfort. So as any normal human being in their flesh would do so, I sought to find that comfort in a person of the opposite sex. I told this man that I did not have sex and did not plan on it, but one thing led to another and I did. I slipped up and we had sex. I was really upset with myself, mainly because I felt as though I disappointed God. However, I continued down this fast spinning downward spiral and continued to do so, with different men. I’m not proud of myself for it.
I am not concerned if someone judges me for my past mistakes because this isn’t for me, hence the transparency. This article is for you, yeah you girl, the one who’s reading this and asking why I am sharing your life story, clearly because I lived it. I didn’t know the additional things that I dealt with and why this happened to me over and over again, what I was dealing with was bigger than me and I needed help, I needed Jesus.
Again, I was not proud of myself at those vulnerable moments of pure weakness. Most importantly my relationship with the Lord was suffering and I had to get it together. I felt like God kept pulling at my spirit and convicting me for fornication. It sucked, it was scary and I knew I didn’t want to die and go to hell because I gave into my fleshly desires, so I started praying again. I didn’t know where to begin or how but I know that prayer works and reading the word, even when I didn’t want to, but I did.
I questioned, how did I get back there? To be the person I used to be before I was saved again from the world? How did I quickly try to retreat back into that old version of myself? The thing about it is that when God pulls you out of something and He allows the enemy to tempt you, knowing you will fail, He doesn’t leave you there to become that which you were in the past or what the devil tried to make you. He’s creating something new. I do firmly believe that and I know that He exposes us to what it is we still need to work on, where can we rely on His strength and not our own, which if we decide to surrender and hand it over to Him, He will wash us clean of our sin, so when we are faced with temptation and another test again, we will pass because we gave it to Him. We won’t have to keep circling that same mountain again. Enough is ENOUGH!
Which all boils down to the question of why do we react in our most vulnerable states in the first place? Why do we fail those tests? Especially when we know the consequences of the results of our actions. What has prompted these actions and what are we doing about it going forth if we want to stop or be a better person or, like me, have felt convicted time and time again about the actions we engaged in previously?
My first thought is to have self-respect. I respect myself enough to not continuously allow myself to be in vulnerable situations where I feel as though I have no self-control. When I am weak I know exactly who to lean on, the Lord, and I learned to put a label on it. Before I get there, I kept hearing to begin to see myself the way that God sees me, as His daughter, a daughter of the King which makes me royalty and if God is my Father, He has so much more in store for me than the things, people and places I had been settling for. When I began to hear, see and KNOW how much He loves me, my heart was opened for Him to dig out those things were not like Him for Him to wreck me in the many ways He has and still is so He can mold me into the woman in Him who He wants me to be. That allowed for deliverance from sin and the strongholds that were tied to me, which is another story for another day but I surrendered and gave my love life to Him.
This is how it started, at first I toyed with the idea of “oh I’m not having sex.” So then I was hit with the question of, “Until when?” I would respond with, “I don’t know. Until marriage, I guess.” How could I say I guess with my soul still being in tact? I mean honestly. It was all out of fear because if I called it anything like celibacy that means I have to be committed. That means it is real and I have to respect that it says that I have an end goal, no sex until marriage and I must honor that goal. Not an easy pill to swallow. So now you’ve heard it from me and I am responsible for my actions. Beyond that, God is a keeper, if you find yourself in a situation beyond your control He will provide an exit for temptation if you trust Him you will choose God over your temporary fleshly desires. Trust and choose God first, ALWAYS!
For myself, getting into those predicaments is just a none negotiable and right now I really don’t have time to date. I have dates with Jesus and purpose, right now if you’re not my husband, I’m basically wasting my time and I don’t have time for that! Just for kicks though, let’s say this man is my husband and God revealed it to me and told me to be nice and spend some time with this man. I have to set those respectful boundaries for myself. CONTINUOUSLY! Setting boundaries will help you to allow the Holy Spirit to take control of the situation. Clearly, define and state exactly what your goals are if you chose to date someone. It takes practice, practice, practice, but once you get started then you get better at acknowledging and accepting the decision that you’ve made. “No don’t call me now it’s too late”, “I’m busy”, “Let’s talk tomorrow”, “Let me look at my schedule, etc.” are all very valid and appropriate responses. If he is the one for you he will wait. It’s like learning to say “no” it gets easier. A real King will wait for his Queen! Okay Queen?
PRAY FIRST, always, then ask the Holy Spirit to have His way and stop you if things get too close for comfort or if they get too hot to handle. Lord, please provide an exit strategy right now in the name of Jesus! When you do decide to date someone, let them know, some people may be on board, but many may not. The real man that really wants you for you will recognize that you are worth the wait, but you must recognize that too!
With all the decisions that I have made I have to constantly recognize that God is in it all and He is working. I have to know that I am doing the right things but sometimes I won’t have that confirmation and I have to just trust Him. I have to have faith that MY HUSBAND WILL come FIND ME sooner than later because the Lord knows my desires and my needs. I also have to trust the fact that I was convicted for the mere fact that He is molding me into the woman He has called me to be and in order to be her, I have to leave old things where they are, in the past, BUT a wise woman will grow from them. They aren’t mistakes but learning lessons!
So this is scary but here goes. I made my decision to be celibate until marriage. I know that I am worth the wait. I respect and love myself but I love God more and because of that I no longer want to live a life of just pleasing my flesh for temporary satisfaction. I want to honor the Lord with my whole entire life and live the way He has intended for me to do so. I want the best for me and the best man that has no problem waiting for me.
Same goes for you, Queen. You are indeed worth the wait! You are the daughter of the KING of all Kings and the LORD of all Lords. He loves you and has wonderful and great things in store for you. He keeps His promises. He is not a man that He shall lie but He is a promise maker and a promise keeper! Hold on to this! Make a commitment and start today, be celibate, give your love life to Jesus Christ, the ultimate love of your life! Fall in love with Him! He already loves you!
Blessings, glitter & LOVE!