Ladies, I mean Queens, we want everyone to address us as Queens even when we aren’t even acting like one. Without the prerequisites, we still hold an expectation of adoration which is basically messed up when we don’t return the favor. It’s simple and I’m saying this because most of us, well I’ll speak for myself, I don’t take time to properly address the people around me as much as I should. I say this because I feel as though in my past I missed moments to listen more and pour.
So, I’m just going to share this story of my own because I’m sure this isn’t you and you’ve never done this[sarcasm]. A few months ago I was traveling and had the pleasure to be amongst some great leaders. Extraordinary men and women, mainly women, filled the room.
Apparently, I had been spotted out long before I even knew about it and you know me I was young, fly, fresh workin’ it like a Queen should. Shinin’! Just being Jaz. Lol.
So some hours after being spotted I was doing my own thing, being solo and actually had my crown on(in real life it was a Halloween party so everyone dressed up. I just put on a cute outfit and my crown, QUEEN!). Live in the flesh and there he was. I’m used to chivalry and I actually expect it so when it happens I am very grateful but it doesn’t stop the fact that I am used to it. I’m saying this to say it wasn’t the biggest deal when the next thing happened.
I was coming out the door and had a piece of confetti on the bottom of my heel. As I was walking out the door, either I was on my phone already or about to be and this happened, homie came up and dropped down on one knee and said, oh I can’t let the Queen walk out with something on her shoe. I was also complimented on my beauty as well. Of course, I looked down and smiled and showed gratitude by saying thank you. Then I went on about my business.
Maybe about an hour or so later I changed shoes and got hungry. We encountered one another again. Now he wasn’t totally my type but he was tall, he had style and a beautiful soul. Most importantly he spoke my language. I was sitting down and he walked by and said I see you and I appreciate everything that you are doing.
Chilllleee, I know right! Things rambled through my mind, I basically sinned at that moment because I thought about some things I probably shouldn’t have. Lol. Lord forgive me! Put to it my past because I didn’t know any better then. He was working on me then and I had no idea. Anyways! Continue…
At that moment I should have run for the hills but I was so intrigued by something new. I’ve never been in the presence of a King before, besides God being the KING of all Kings and the LORD of all Lords, I had no idea what it was like to be the presence of one, live in the flesh, when I actually am interested in possibilities and most importantly a man who is not a waste of time.
I don’t even know why is this even foreign? This is exactly what I’ve been yearning for and it’s here. How do I react?
Like a pure fool. Clearly. Our conversation continues, as he goes more into how amazing and how much of a superman, King, a valiant warrior he is, I begin to question his antics. What’s up with this dude? This dude cannot be real! Then I began to treat him like I was questioning him. I was skeptical and I began to be really rude to him. I promise I was trying not to be, again hold it to my past, she didn’t know any better. Lord, HELP US!
Actually, what’s funny is that I had this conversation with someone else the other day. They were entertaining a young lady and she thought they were playing “who can be the rudest” game. There was a time I thought it was cute but it’s really NOT. It’s actually, degrading and disrespectful.
I know we have had so many experiences in the past that left us heartbroken because hurt people hurt people but once we have healed, why can’t we allow someone a chance to prove themselves unworthy first before we just count them out? Why can’t we believe someone to be true how they are? Why do we abuse them when they show up? Why is it that it’s so foreign for us to see, recognize and respect a King when we are his presence? Especially when we expect for us to immediately be recognized and treated like the royalty we claim to be.
Because it’s more common for us to be around broken ourselves, around broken men who are already broken down by society and either allow us to continue breaking them down or break us down without even recognizing it. Abuse is abuse, period. WE WILL BE THE CHANGE IN THE NAME OF JESUS! It’s time to break those chains of the past. We will not continue to be that way towards God’s sons. We’ll come back to this.
Back to my story. I realized when he wanted to leave and walk out because I was being so rude that I needed to be kind and chill out. I couldn’t even put my finger on why I was acting out of character myself. I believe I apologized and we continued our conversation.
We see this dude on the street in the cold and he almost made a G cry(me). Yo, I’ve never been in the presence of a King, until now. He took his time to speak life into this homeless man and remind him of who he is. He had to be about the same age as us or a tad bit older and although he had no connections in the city where we were the mere fact he spent the time to speak to this man, encourage him and just be loving towards him changed my life.
I began to see him differently, like wait a minute there’s something different about this guy. He’s special. We continued to talk and we talked and talked some more after that. All about God and our hope in the future, what we do to try and change the world, everything. I don’t know why but I had to be open and slide in the fact that I was celibate.
He said, “why did you tell me that?” I think I told him the truth, most of the time spending that much time with a dude they mainly only want one thing, one goal in mind, but he wasn’t that dude. I said something about not wanting to be intimate because I am celibate. He said intimacy doesn’t equate to sex. Then he kept on asking me again why like five times why I told him I was celibate. I was just immature and not used to being in the presence of a King.
What he didn’t know was I was in a situation prior to our encounter and was really hurt because someone abused the time we spent together getting intimate and getting to know one another. He thought, “Oh, that means she wants to have sex with me.” Not the case and I ended up in a compromising situation due to that. On top of my immaturity, the spirits of rejection, abandonment, etc. that I was still dealing with and needed deliverance from I just was not ready for that level of a mature, adult, real man scenario. Our conversations weren’t immature but the positioning of my heart was not ready for anything beyond that, I really thought I was but I was wrong.
He told me how he saw me long before I knew he saw me. You never know who’s watching! lol. He said things to me like I didn’t even know how incredible I was. He was hyping me up and I didn’t want it to end. He made me want to stand a little taller. ‘I think we were both craving more than what was transpiring over the course of a weekend and there was definitely chemistry and a connection there.
Dude rubbed my feet without me asking, just started rubbing them. I promise they weren’t smelly at this time! Lol, but it wasn’t sexual. There was just like a natural closeness that happened to just happen. You know what time it is and I keep it real. This is Unmentioned Dialogues! You already know!
Then after even more conversations, I believe his eyes were open as well he began to say things like I think you should be my little sister. What?! He hit me with the sister card after he rubbed my feet, maybe they did smell! Lol, j/k. but he recognized my level of immaturity and readiness for a relationship with a King. He saw ME. He knew I had more work to do and how God was still pruning me. He saw who I could be but I wasn’t quite there yet.
Mind you this was where I was in the room full of all this amazingness, I came empty to be filled up so this situation happens in the midst of something even bigger, a DISTRACTION I wasn’t even aware of or ready for. I pray the Lord break the chains now in the name of JESUS! I do not have time!
Our conversations continued. I didn’t drink much alcohol but the little bit I did drink had me ready. Kill the flesh, just kill it! I wish I prayed the Lord to break it before I got there because, after a little drink, I got tipsy and had no accountability. I ended up making a mistake then and I won’t divulge any other details, nothing physically happened because he was a King and nothing but a gentleman but it happened already in my heart. I sinned and it closed the door between us and the spark we did have was ruined.
However, God still gets all the glory. I learned so much! I’m sure we should have been friends beyond that point. It wouldn’t have ended the way it did but I let my flesh intervene and tried to give into temptation. I’m still glad it happened how it did because I would have never known what I know now and he isn’t my husband so no harm was done but I am grateful because I will never make all those mistakes again.
I know God put us together for a reason, at that exact moment, to open my eyes and see that it is real. Kings are out there. The real ones are watching! Since I’m a real one too, I need to recognize and instead of just focusing on me, myself and I, open up my eyes and see what is in front of me. He will send the one that matches my fly in all ways.
So if I ever find myself in the presence of a King again, when I do I will make sure I uplift and encourage that man. Speak life and pour into him. Pray for him. See him in all his glory and let him know that real, recognizes real!
I’m grateful that I know God I know His love and His character. Through my time with Him and building our relationship, He has begun to show me even more since then, regarding a man after His own heart and has been purifying and restoring me and mine to get me prepared for the day my husband finds me. I’m thankful for the Lord opening and unveiling my eyes in this area because I desire a man who desires God and is lead by God and so many other things that make him not only a son but a King, my King, who is lead by, leans on, trusts and believes in our KING! My father, ABBA!
To the King that forever changed my life. I thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t see you before. I sorry I gave all of my goodness away to those who didn’t deserve it in the past. I’m sorry that it took this long for my eyes to be opened but I am forever grateful that God sent me you, even for such a short time. I am grateful that you walked into my life at the time that you did for my eyes to remain open and never to be closed again.
Although you weren’t the man for me and my divine destiny, you were put in my path to prepare me for him. So again, I thank you and I pray for you to continue to be all God has called you to be.
Hopefully, one day this reaches you. You know who you are.
Blessings, glitter & success!